i need a break

its friday night.. starting to get homesick again.. geez.. i hate it when i get all emotional because i can't do anything about it.. i want to hangout.. but where and with whom? hay.. i just finished my third can of beer. i wanna drink more but mom's going to flip out. it's 10 pm.. so i'll prolly just head to bed................ damn...

i need a fucking break...

i started the day around 5am when my dad called me on my cellphone. he's a bit disoriented because of the medicine the doctors gave him for his surgery yesterday so he told me something about fixing a problem he doesn't know and he wanted me to be there to help him. it didn't make any sense but it's no problem. i still went to him.

after a little while i said goodbye to dad because i had to go to work just to find out our company had a holiday week, meaning i don't have work till Tuesday. gah. less money for me and to pay the bills! i'm still waiting for the results on the interview i had 2 weeks ago ( wish me luck! ) so if i don't get in there, i think i'm going to find a second job just to keep me stable. i thought of studying again but not right now.

so i went back to the hospital and heard the news that my dad's going to get transferred to a nursing facility just a block away. the nurse told me he does not need to be in a hospital anymore ( meaning he's getting better! ) and the nursing facility can prioritize him more on his physical therapy. so around 5pm he was transferred there. if you watched Happy Gilmore, it's like one of those nursing homes except they don't get to go out and their stay is more on a temporary basis.

it's now 8pm. my dad just called again with his disoriented reasons but i'm pretty much sure he's just lonely hehe. so ima pack my stuff and prolly spend the night at the hospital. have a good one everyone.

so this is Christmas..

i just found out yesterday my dad will have walking therapy on Monday, which is Christmas day here. for some reason, i wasn't so bummed out. actually, i was kind of excited in a weird sort of way..

usually during Christmas i just stay at home with my family, but this year i'm going to spend it in the hospital. in the ICU to be exact! then i got to think: does it matter where you stay during Christmas? does it matter what food you eat? what presents you get? when i heard the news about my dad's therapy, i realized what really matters during Christmas... it's who you're with and how you spend it..

.. and i'm very much happy my first Christmas in the US will be in the hospital, with my parents, during my dad's therapy... and watching my dad get better is the best Christmas present ever.

Happy Holidays everyone!

rejuvenation

two nights ago my dad was taken out of the ventilator, which is a very good sign, meaning he's not critical anymore! Thank God. he did have hallucinations that morning around 3am due to the strong medicine he's been taking. he dreamt that our dead relatives and the devil were inviting him.. he was screaming for us, so the nurse decided to call us. we rushed to the hospital to be with him. we held his hand and comforted him and assured him that we will always be there for him. "Now I can sleep..", my dad said.. so I decided I won't go to work that day to help him with his hallucinations..

i came back to his room around 8am. he called me and told me he wanted to hold my hand so that he can sleep. so for 4 hours i was there beside him, holding his hand and assuring him i was there. eventhough he was sedated for 1 week, his mind is SO SHARP. he still knows his numbers, like zip code, SSS#, stuff like that. his humor is still there too, coz he told the nurse "we're not gay" because we were holding hands for 4 hours. LOL. i still can't believe he said that, up until now.

his doctors came and all they had to tell me was good news! first one was his speech therapist. she gave my dad ice cubs and cranberry juice to test his swallowing. he passed the test and was approved for the tube-in-nose removal. next was his respiratory doctor, who told me his pulmonary edema was pretty much gone. WOOO! then his kidney doctor came and told me he'll be out of dialysis soon and go to hemodialysis, which is a simpler procedure meaning he's getting better. =)

today, his face is so clean. from 3-4 tubes stuck in his face to none. he's almost back to normal...

i would like to take this oppurtunity to thank everyone who prayed for my dad.. i am very very grateful.. i thank you from the bottom of my heart... thank you for the support and love.. for helping me in my darkest hours..

after what seems to be like an eternity.. i feel a little bit rejuvenated.. =)

just a little update on my dad..

the doctors have gotten a lot of fluids out thanks to dialysis. he's stable but still critical because he's still under the ventilator which is helping him breathe..

their goal right now is to remove him from the ventilator.. but they say its going to take time.. and they also said his edema is getting better because he's getting thinner due to the fluids coming out of his body..

one day at a time..

thanks for the prayers everyone.. i appreciate it..

update..

this has been the toughest week of my life..

last friday, the doctors put a stent on one of my dad's veins that's connected to his heart because there was a block.. it went well and now that his heart is relatively stronger.. they can do dialysis for the kidneys to make IT stronger so that it can secrete fluids to help extract water that's flooding his lungs.. the flooding is caused by pulmonary edema, which my dad got when he suffered congestive heart failure that lead to a mild heart attack...

i'm pretty sure if i copy-paste the above paragraph on Microsoft Word, i'd get the grassy-green lines underneath all of the words when you make stupid sentences.. but that's best way i can piece together everything that's happening to my dad...

please continue praying.. for my dad.. and my mom to keep her strong, she's having a hard time right now... thanks everyone for the support.. i appreciate it.. more updates soon..

one day at a time...

its been 2 days since papa suffered a very very mild heart attack due to congested heart failure.. he's now in ICU..

i lack sleep... my eyes are so red from crying.. i'm an emotional wreck.. but i still went to work yesterday, although i never told my supervisor what was going on. i did not want him to get the impression that i can't do shit because i'm like this.. and i didn't want to take the day off because i'm sure dad wouldn't want me to just cry in one corner the whole day................. it's tough working under these circumstances, but what my dad's fighting for right now is tougher.. and that's what inspires me to keep on going...

='( i miss him so much..... i want him here in the living room watching our favorite comedy shows.. i want to see him laugh his heart out like there's no tomorrow... i want him to tell me to make him coffee in a very polite manner... i want him here for the holidays, that'll be the best xmas gift ever..

thank you to my friends who've been there to support me.. i appreciate it.. it's been real tough but you guys help me keep it together.. thanks again..

one day at a time dad.. one day at a time..

i want my dad here beside me.. right now.. i want to make him breakfast and coffee... i want to see him sleeping in his chair.. i want him to be ok.... please pray for him..... =( =( =(

please pray for my dad's speedy recovery.. thank you..

thanks hun =)

i got to talk to kaye this afternoon ( early morning in the Philippines ) .. and it was the greatest move i ever made.. =) the sound of her voice made my problems go all away.. she was so sweet to me, it made me cry.. hehe mushy man na naman ako.. but i don't care.. all i care about right now is i'm happy, thanks to hunni =) im really glad i called her. i didn't call her sooner because i did not want her to be a part of my sadness.. but after lunch time i wasn't able to take it anymore, so i bought a phone card and called her up.. and from then on it was history..

thanks hun =)

drowning

i started feeling very emotional today. this morning while going down the stairs towards my car, i stared at the sun and tears welled up my eyes. when i got home from work, i saw my dad sleeping in his chair and i started to cry. my dad's really sick right now, and he's.. kind of old. =( i'll post about my dad and how much i love him, more than anything else ='(, but not right now because i don't want to choke up in front of them.

fuck. i hate it when im in this mood. i just feel so sad and down, i feel like i'm drowning. so many thoughts in my head right now, so many sentiments about life, i wish i could just blurt it out here...

you guys have a good weekend, because i'm sure i won't....

homesick

i'm soo homesick right now =(. i need to talk to someone, anyone.. but at this very moment, i have no one.. this sucks.. but tomorrow's another day....

=(

superhuman

Full story: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/06/missing.family/index.html

i tuned in to CNN a couple of weeks ago and heard news of a family ( husband, wife and two very young daughters ) who were missing since Thanksgiving. this Monday the search and rescue team found the mother and the children, but the father was no where to be found. the mother told the media they took a wrong turn in their car and found themselves stranded in snow and lost with their young daughters on one of Oregon's treacherous backroads. The father then decided to find for help and left on foot with VERY minimal resources Saturday.

then just yesterday i saw on MSN's homepage that they found the father dead. he walked 9 miles in an unforgiving terrain, without food, and with only they very basic of clothing. the search and rescue team wasn't able to make that kind of distance, and they had full gear. they called his effort "superhuman".

i really expected the father would be found alive and this event would turn out as one of those heroic family stories were dad saves family by leaving them and facing danger himself. but nature was just too much and he succumbed to it.

my prayers to his family.. =

daybreak rules!

i changed the template, hope you guys like it.. comments are very much welcome =)

Daybreak is sooo awesome! its a new series ( which started 3 weeks ago ) that's about a detective being framed for murder. here's the thing: he lives the same day everyday, but his memory doesn't reset. so he retains all the information he got from "yesterday", helping him solve the mystery one day at a time. well technically, "the same day" at a time. im not much of a critic when it comes to series, but you guys should watch/download it as soon as possible because IT'S GREAT OH MY GOD. haha. i'm so into daybreak that whenever i watch it on TV my forehead's wrinkled all throughout the show because there's sooo many things to consider and remember.. NUFF SAID! just watch it!

work

hey everyone. i just got home from the office. i worked for only 3 hours today because my supervisor's going to be busy the rest of the afternoon. its kinda sad because i won't get much money for today =( and yesterday i didn't go to work because my supervisor called me up and told me he was going to be busy the whole day too. well anyways.. at least i still have something from today to pay the bills. that's the disadvantage of working as a temporary consultant: you only get paid by the hour, not to mention you don't get any benefits since you're not an employee of the company. oh well, i have to make do, and im just starting. so there.

damn, i need a full time job soon because i have a feeling my temp work's not going to last for two more months. competition here is pretty tough. companies open entry level jobs, but they hire seasoned veterans. experience is very important here.. there are job ads on websites were they require candidates to have AT LEAST 3 years exp, sometimes 5. geez. but im still hoping and waiting for my lucky break. like my cousin said, "there's one out there for you" so ill just be patiently waiting here.. =) AARR!! so to everyone who's reading this post, wish me luck and pray i land a full-time job soon.. thanks, i appreciate it =)

gtg everyone. later.

...

im bored. my usual friday/saturday night would be drinking 3-4 cans of beer and sitting in front of my computer. if im not playing DOTA ( PC game ), i'd probably be checking friendster, eskwela.com, my mail or this blog for lets say, like a hundred times. when im done with the computer, i'd prolly just watch some tv. when i get bored watchin tv, i just lie down in my bed and wait for nothing. pretty cool huh?

seriously, i need a break. like hang out somewhere. but problem is i dont have anyone to hangout with, which sucks so bad. it can get so lonely here.. no one to talk to, no one to share stories with.. damn. i just need to converse with anyone so badly at times. talk about anything under the sun..

hope everything improves soon.. before i go crazy and start making funny noises like pterodactyl calls around the area.

i love hunni..

i surprised kaye yesterday ( thursday night in the Philippines ) by giving her a call on her cellphone. using my debit card, i was able to purchase a phone card online ( $10 for one hour! ). that's really cheap because if you use direct dial (like what i did before which shot my phone bill up to $100) , you'll get like $3.69 for one minute.

so anyway, i called her up and she was so surprised and excited. when i first heard her voice, my heart melted coz she sounded so happy to hear me.. i love hearing her happy.. she deserves to be after all that she's been through the past few months.. me leaving for the states.. pressures in college.. and other stuff. since i received my first paycheck, i want to give her a part of it.. so i told her i was going to give her money as a gift. at first she was reluctant, of course. kaye's a practical girl, and me giving money to her can have the connotation of me trying to buy her attention or something. but then i explained to her how much i want her to be happy and since i can't be physically be with her, i'd feel a lot better if she splurges herself with the money i'd give to her. that way i know she'd have a good time, buying clothes or whatever makes her happy, and me being part of that happiness. =) then she started to cry.. and it was such a moment for me because i was able to let her know and feel how much i love her, even if we're thousands of miles apart.

i just cant explain how much i want kaye to be happy all the time.. i love her so much..

hahaha.. i warned you guys! i can get really mushy on some of the posts here.. but please bear with me and still read/comment on my blog hehe.

bottom line.. i love hunni..